the magic of disney

The weather was perfect and warm.  We had lots of happy moments.  And Disney is VERY good at distractions.  Our thoughts, for the most part, were caught up in enjoying who we were with and what we were surrounded by...

We are grateful for good advice and generous loved ones that helped our "escape" happen.  We are so glad we went!

the beach

I loved the Sunday "stroll on the beach" days...
I think everyone else really LOVES to be right in the ocean though.

 

We spent a couple of days at the beach.  One on the gulf side and the other on the ocean side.  Both beaches were beautiful and so nice because there were very few people around, the weather was incredible, and the waves were just right.

on our way

We took some good advice and decided to escape from life for a week in September.

The beach was a good place to start...the sound is soothing, the breeze is calming, the sunshine seems to warm you from the inside out, and the view and touch are reminders of who we are, of who made us and this beautiful world, and of where we, together, can end up...

first day of school

A very excited (trying to seem cool and not too nervous) first-time-Kindergartner.

She was ready to leave me in the dust on her way into the building.

Makinzie was a little less excited.  She didn't want a picture taken until after school and she really wasn't sure that she was ready for school to start...but we really couldn't blame her.

She was a bit happier after school.  She thrives on organized activities and pushing herself to figure out new things.  School is probably the best place for her to be distracted and to begin to feel more confident and better about herself after her atypical and incredibly rough summer vacation.

Ty was working nights that first week of school, trying to catch up on missed rotations, etc.  Coleson was glad when Daddy woke up and was ready to play.

Here is a sad look into how I felt on the first day of school.  I'm leaving it un-edited for now.  This is what I came home and wrote down (since Ty was sleeping and there was no one for me to talk to through the cascading tears at 8 in the morning).  It is hard, even for me, to read through this again:

Just in case anyone is curious about how the first day of school is going for me:  Being sick with a head cold, on top of already feeling sick with depression/nauseated ALL the time has made today a pretty hopeless and horrible day. I dropped the girls off at school this morning and was impressed that I made it out of there without puking all over the school floor. But I was upset that my only feeling was one of nausea. I had no other typical “mom of a first day of kindergarten child” emotions. I cried the whole way home, not because I had concerns about my girls at school or would miss them at home, but selfishly, only because it's one more step down this life path that I really am not fond of at the moment.  I would give ANY thing, anything at all to get off of this path and get back onto the one I was on 2 months ago...That little boy gave my life happiness and light and meaning and now he’s just gone, without warning and without a proper good-bye, he’s just gone…I'm hoping that things can only get better from this low point because life seems pretty relentless right now...you would like to think that in the midst of such tragedy and defeat Satan wouldn’t be allowed at you, that there would have to be some protective barrier wrapped around you, but there’s not. He’s real, and he’s as mean as ever, he will kick you and beat you, even when you are already crumpled in a ball on the ground. I just PRAY that he is so busy kicking me today that my girls will be protected and have a good day at school. I would give anything to make sure that they were happy and to have them know that they are still safe and loved.

a few days in delta

Ty even managed to bring home a souvenir:

By the time we made it home from our unexpected summer travels, our yard looked as horrible (or maybe not quite as horrible) as we felt.  It was almost a symbolic reminder of how we went from feeling like things were really wonderful and "green" to feeling like our hearts had been torn from our very beings and we had turned "brown" and felt quite overcome "by noxious weeds" and ugliness.

Being away for a few weeks was like being caught up in a cloud of "non-reality." It all felt so out of place.  We had never been with Beckett to either of our homes, so there weren't any connections to him there, other than our empty arms and aching hearts.  It was good to be surrounded by family and love as our hearts and minds ached and felt so confused by all that had happened to us, but the cloud quickly disappeared as soon as we were back and being back in "reality" was EXTREMELY difficult...  

no sadder reunion

Some things in life seem like they should never have to be experienced, by anyone, EVER...this is definitely one of them.

But we are grateful for sweet friends and family that were willing to surround us and try to lift us up at such an incredibly hard time...