What's it like to be one?

See those smiling eyes? I love that you don't have to see her mouth to know that she is smiling.  About 2 years ago, right after Beckett had died, I saw these same smiling eyes. 

I ALWAYS have had dreams; crazy and heart racing dreams.  After Beckett died my dreams were out of control and soooo stressful. This particular dream happened while we were in Boise for Beckett's funeral. It was still nightmarish and wild and I clenched my teeth all night and felt like a crazy person like usual.  BUT, there was a small bit of my dream this night that made me immediately wake up, not panting with my heart racing out of control like I usually woke up, but in a state of peacefulness:  

I could hear Beckett crying, but I couldn't find him.  I was searching through this maze of a dark home, but he was no where to be found.  I was panicking and feeling so sad and useless. Then there was a little brown haired and brown eyed girl (I don't really remember what the girl's features looked like,, but I do remember brown hair and her smiling brown eyes).  I looked at her and she smiled the most reassuring smile and then began to walk away.  I followed her.  She led me to the place where Beckett was sitting in his rocker.  A quiet and serene room. He was turned away from me, I never saw his face, just the top of his fuzzy little head, and I knew it was him.  I watched as she went over and faced him and again smiled that beautiful smile at him and rocked him.  He immediately was calm and quiet. I knew he was smiling back at her. My heart was calmed.  I knew that he was okay and that the little girl knew him and would help everything AND everyone to be okay.  

I woke up.  I felt peace in the night time, for the first time in a long time. I knew that the little girl was a part of our family.  I felt crazy for thinking there was another baby that needed to come into our home so soon after he had left, but I knew Heavenly Father was reassuring me that he was sending help.  He knew I needed the reassurance that help and peace would soon be on its way.  And I knew that this little girl was there WITH Beckett as she awaited her turn to come to our family.  I think he was coaching her for the next several months on ways that she could help each one of us individually and I think that they were very happy to be together.

  Now she is one. She HAS been a beacon of hope and a shining ray of sunshine since entering our lives and our home last year.  Her sweet smile is always a gentle reminder to me that she too knows Beckett and that he is okay; she will always know where to find him and she will help us all to be happy and calm while we endure these mortal days apart.  I am so grateful to our Heavenly Father for letting her come when she did and for letting me know who she was before she came to be here.

Always Happy!

Always tall and always skinny!

Love to eat--ALL BY MYSELF--"I do"

And point out body parts, like eyes

head and hair 

tongue

and nose!

Her hair gets thicker by the second, but not much longer. So, we had to trim the mullet. She loved her first hair cut!

 She easily voices her opinions (never known a 1 year old that talks as much as she does!);

 being told to take a nap is VERY stressful!

 We had to move the make-up drawer out of reach (she has known how to unscrew lids since she was about 6 months old, she consistently could get the lid off of her lotion tub, shampoo bottle and water bottles--who does that at 1?!?).

She likes to untie the guard rail cover, get her knees stuck between the crib slats and throw her binki on the floor--all to avoid sleeping.

 She LOVES, LOVES, LOVES cats!

 Not sure where this obsessive affection for felines came from, but we are sure grateful our neighbors let us visit their cat regularly so that we don't need to get our own! :)